Pimp My Ride
Season Twelve Episode Nine Preceded by: Season Twelve, Episode Eight: Rewind Followed by: Season Twelve, Episode Nine: Blood and Thunder Summary : The party leaves the ship so that their other selves do not encounter them. They decide to move the planning to a nearby tavern, for tradition as much as anything else. They divide loot and work out teaching each other foreign languages before getting back down to business. : The other Bona Fortuna has the Jade Kracken III and the Epitome, so this party will need to work out a new ship to save the world in. Some gnomes are selling a tiny, cheap, oil-powered flying ship called the Irrefutable Logic, but it would probably be destroyed in any battle the party were to get in. There is a dwarven airship also for sale. It can travel on both air and sea, and is extremely sturdy, but it is named the Flayer Doom. Neither of these seem to fully suit the party's needs. : After the long, depressing slog through the apocalypse, it might be nice for the party to do a quick mission, kick some ass, and pick up a bit more cash before they go save the world. There are several options available in town. If the party lacks scruples, they can deport wood elves from Bisau. There's a large reward for stopping the salt poisoning in Leilah's aunt, the Nubian Sea, but that really needs a druid. There are also pirates. Pirates sound interesting, and the party scouts around for more rumors. : These pirates, mentioned on Tanaki's Wall, are fearsome. They are very different from Guild pirates up north such as Dread Pirate Lucy. These are more of a cult, run by a gorgeous dwarf named Runora Mantracker. Her crew is mostly demons and outcast children, and they run cannons that can fire for miles. The only time the party's source (a sailor in a bar) saw the cult leader, however, she was riding on a storm cloud. Her fleet includes a large captured battleship, storm elementals which she rides into battle, and many smaller striker ships. The pirates only take the ship itself if it's worth something; otherwise they take the cargo and sink the vessel. They have been very successful, and recently stole a shipment of vials of poison. The pirates' first lieutenant is a half-dragon named Bestar Lockstuck. : The party might fight the pirates, but first they'll need to resolve the ship question. Further research brings up the Speed of Thought line, one of the last designs engineered by illithids before they left the plane. These highly experimental, expensive ships use a trapped air elemental as a power source. They are highly maneuverable and the fastest thing in the air. However, they are not very modular, and if the air elemental detonates it will be extremely dangerous to anyone on board. : Of course, it's way out of the party's budget. Prince Avimeus, however, can easily afford one, and decides something so rare and flashy is very well suited to his royal personage. He decides to have the Malvont Shipyards make him one at once. Leilah points out that she can Teleport several people to the Universe City in Malvont, and Ashra adds that no one is wanted for treason there. Leilah, Avi, Ashra, and Semna decide to go to Malvont and pick up the ship, while Cicero and Aether will stay in Bisau and wait. : Avi Speakstones ahead and places the order for the ship. He says he expects it in 12 hours, answering the shipmaster's protests with "Make it work." : Leilah teleports the four to the Universe City in Malvont. They arrive without incident and split up to enjoy their half-day in the city. Avi goes to the palace to be treated as he should, Leilah and Semna go shopping, and Ashra goes to bribe a clerk to give her an illicit copy of her work papers. : Ashra's papers, outdated though they are, contain two interesting pieces of information. The first is that her host's name is Claudius Tiberium. This is a Baldur name, despite the Nyasan aasimar related to her host. The second is that her transfer papers were signed by Charilus, though as a member of the illthid guildhome Ashra should have had her papers signed by an illithid potentate, not a High Elven one. The papers also note her history of violence. : Having stolen her papers, Ashra heads to the Vargus school in disguise and tries to pretend she fits in. She goes to the library and finds a copy of Comentarii de Bello Populi; it has the same errors as her copy. She also notices a picture of the original Macavian meeting place, deep in the library's planar studies section. Then she leaves before the CSOs arrive. : Meanwhile, Aether and Cicero are bored of sitting around waiting for the party, and decide to do some preliminary scouting on their own. Aether gets on her best sexy pirate outfit, puts a collar on Cicero, and heads down to the local pirate bar. : Things go well at first. A pirate asks if she is a servant of the Broken Cove, and she automatically answers yes. This pirate knows about the wormwood shipment that was intercepted; he says they fenced it all to a "tall zombie guy" who is a member of the Gloriosa Family. : While Aether chats up the pirate, Cicero notices a very attractive dwarven woman and begins to do what he does best. She is not unwelcoming. She is also the leader of the pirates. Cicero considers this a double score, and she takes him home. : Back in Malvont, Avi sends to the others that his new ship is ready. While they finish their business, he has himself carried to the shipyards in a chariot with flaming white stallions. His new vessel is called the Swiftest Thought, and it is the fastest and flashiest thing in the skies. It has a conscious autopilot, which he names Sugar, and is additionally controlled by four buttons: Start, Cruise, Turbo, Attack. : Despite his minimal experience, Avi really wants to drive his new sports airship. He gets into the pilot's seat, switches to manual, and screams across the sky. Several loop-the-loops later, he stops to pick up the party, and they set a course for Bisau. Ashra and Leilah check in on the other party members by scrying; they seem all right, though Cicero notices the attempt. : Back in Bisau, Cicero returns to Aether sore but satisfied the next morning. He knows where the REAL pirate bar is, and after a few days resting and planning the two decide to pay it a visit. : The reception here is less friendly, however. Aether's sexy pirate outfit brands her as a wannabe in their eyes, and they start impugning her experience. She gets angry and cracks her whip at one of them. : Tables are immediately overturned; it's time for a barfight. The first few punches land, and then Cicero decides the two are in danger and lets out a Chain Lightning. It burns one pirate to a crisp, then arcs away to singe several others. Well, the pair are certainly in danger now. They dive out the window as the fight spills out into the street. : By a technological miracle of good timing, the Thought swoops over the city just as the fight gets rough. Someone Dimension Doors down, grabs Aether and Cicero, and Dimension Doors back with them. The Thought gets out of sight as fast as possible as Ashra begins to berate the pair. Sixth level spells do not have a place in a barfight! : Cicero is feeling ill, and needs to sit down. When he looks through his pockets he finds a piece of paper with a black spot on it. He has come down with the magical Black Spot illness, the punishment for killing a pirate. Leilah Heals it away, and the party files the whole affair under "bad ideas we had". : But hey, this is a pretty pimp airship. And there are still pirates to kill. Category:Episodes Category:Season Twelve Episodes